What do you call the people you love?
How do you define a relationship? Does that definition change when they’re not around?
What do you write on your love letters, or casual notes? Does it change based on their gender, or on yours? What happens if you’re not monogamous? How do you indicate that a person is a very close friend? How do you make distinctions between friends and lovers?
In short: what are your terms of endearment?
i. How do you define your relationship?
On my last run, I thought about all the names I call my special friends, both lovers and platonic. Words to indicate commitment and care, loyalty and intimacy, support and adoration. Words that I say to prove to someone that they are special, to let them know that I love them, and cherish them, no matter what.
THE ISSUE
I hate a lot of the standard terminology. I don’t like terms that are very possessive or gendered. I like words that imply intimacy and commitment.
Attempts:
- “Significant other” is too sterile.
- “Beloved” is cheesy and archaic.
- “Boyfriend” and “Girlfriend.” Gut reaction: I don’t like being called a “girlfriend,” or calling anyone my “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” Bad associations. Veto'd.
- “Friend” isn’t strong linguistically enough. Too broad. “Good / Close / Dear friend” and other modifiers get it better. “Best friend” is very close to what I need for about five people.
- “Lover.” I should like the term lover, but it doesn’t imply (to me) that a person is special, or that there’s any aspect of commitment or prioritizing. To me, a lover offers a only sexual relationship, and I’m sappy enough to want more.
- “Limerent object” is too obscure and hopeless. Mutuality is not implied.
- “Apple of my eye” is too unreal, too idealizing.
- "Hook-up" or "fuck buddy" isn't classy.
THE BEST:
“Partner” is non-gendered, non-exclusive, personal, egalitarian, and loving. I like the ambiguity and the implied companionship. I like being a dance partner or a partner in crime or a business partner.
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ii. What do you call your lover to their face (or their inbox)?
Well, besides their name. I like to give people nicknames, pet names, things that fit them better than their given titles. I want someone to know -- from just their name, and how I say it -- that they are impossibly special.
THE LIST OF ADORABLE NICKNAMES
Honeybee
Mon petit / ma petite chou
Dearest
Nightcrawler
Cuddlefish
Sweetpea
Little un’
Honey-bunny
Thailand
Clyde / Bonnie
Babe
Foxhole buddy
Adonis
Love
Kupo
Buttons
Japan
Buckles
MOSAD (Most Special and Adored)
Flower (a la Bambi)
Penny
Panda
Duckie
Faun
Cuddles / Snuggles
Anchor
Sweet one
Bestie
Wonderland
Lotus
Beautiful
Germany
Mittens
Dance partner
Invisible friend
So what do you like? What do you like to be called, and what do you like to call others? I want to know.
Love,
Aries
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3 comments:
Forgiving the Firefly connotations of the word (a necessary clarification among my group of friends), I really like "companion". It feels more casual and *active* than partner.
Also my ex and I used to call the other our "sidekick". I liked that.
My choice, Angel, sweetheart or cupcake also comes to mind... for friends; a shortening of their name is often fine, or simply their first name. Relationships don't always need to be identified, and often they can't or shouldn't be so just the name is usually fine. Naturally the classic 'dude' or 'man' if you're a bit older comes to mind.
My choice, Angel, sweetheart or cupcake also comes to mind... for friends; a shortening of their name is often fine, or simply their first name. Relationships don't always need to be identified, and often they can't or shouldn't be so just the name is usually fine. Naturally the classic 'dude' or 'man' if you're a bit older comes to mind.
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